This article was updated on December 1, 2023.
Written by Elizabeth Exline
Reviewed by Jessica Roper, MBA,聽director of Career Services at 澳门天天彩开奖记录
Anxiousness, anger, halting words, the聽wrong聽words 鈥 sound familiar? Those are some of the hallmarks of a difficult conversation. Even if you can鈥檛 exactly聽define聽a difficult conversation, most people have no trouble聽identifying聽one. Maybe the word that best sums it up is聽uncomfortable.
In the workplace, there鈥檚 no shortage of opportunities to engage in these sorts of discussions. Take, for example, the following instances:
Say the wrong thing in these situations, and you could find yourself aboard a runaway train of escalated emotions. But handled well, these same difficult conversations can lead to聽personal and professional growth. Here鈥檚 how to get there.
Dean Aslinia, PhD, is familiar with difficult conversations. As a聽practicing聽therapist聽and the聽associate dean of the聽College of Social and Behavioral Sciences聽at 澳门天天彩开奖记录, he鈥檚 had both practical and theoretical training when it comes to navigating the choppy waters of conflicting interests.
In Aslinia鈥檚 experience, there are three rules to follow whenever a situation calls for a difficult conversation.
Consider this example: Brad and Jennifer worked together on a project that failed to meet its objectives. Their manager, Neil, needs to explain how it fell short and then identify a path forward.
If Neil enters that conversation with an assumption that either Brad or Jennifer is to blame, or that he already knows why the project failed, he unintentionally closes himself off to new information.
鈥淚t鈥檚 very helpful for a mediator to remain neutral and聽hear all parties before rushing to judgment,鈥 Aslinia explains.
This applies to one-to-one conversations as well. If you enter a conversation with the conscious or subconscious aim of convincing the other person of your conclusion, you鈥檙e setting yourself up for failure. Instead,聽ask questions聽with an eye toward gaining perspective and information.
As noted in聽, 鈥淚nstead of focusing on what you鈥檙e going to say, focus more on what you鈥檙e hearing from the other person.鈥
Another way to put it? Keep an聽open mind,聽be curious聽and聽leave any defensiveness behind.
鈥淭hese are the main tenets of聽person-centered therapy,鈥 Aslinia says. 鈥淚n reality, they are the core principles of human connection.鈥
That includes conversations you鈥檇 rather not have. If you need to tell your co-worker her comments in a client meeting were unprofessional, think about how she could receive that information and grow from it.
One way might be to have the conversation privately soon after the remarks were made, and approach it from an 鈥淚鈥 perspective.
鈥淚 noticed you said X, and I think it would better help us meet our goals if we avoid such comments and subjects with clients in the future鈥 is easier for someone to hear than 鈥淵ou were really unprofessional back there. You might lose us the account now.鈥
There鈥檚 a reason honesty is both precious and rare. It鈥檚聽hard. But it鈥檚 also the best course of action when delivering bad news. (Or in pretty much any other situation.)
鈥淒on鈥檛 sugarcoat the message!鈥 Aslinia emphasizes. 鈥淭ackle the issue. This might be the most difficult step, but until the issue is unwrapped, there can be no solution.鈥
Let鈥檚 say you have to terminate someone鈥檚 employment. The person, who probably knows what鈥檚 coming as soon as the invitation to meet with you and HR lands in her inbox, does not want to hear a preamble. She does not want to hear euphemisms. She wants to know what she suspects is true so that she can start taking next steps.
Even if the conversation is less dire than a termination,聽hedging only gets in the way. If you have to tell an employee she did a poor job on a presentation, don鈥檛 prolong the inevitable with opaque language and modifiers. 鈥淵our presentation had some good nuggets, and maybe you could review it to make sure you have the latest data available鈥 is a lot harder to grow from than 鈥淭his was a good start, but you need to practice your delivery to improve your confidence. We also need to update your data on slides 2 through 5. Let鈥檚 set up a working session to address the information part.鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 often harder to do the right thing,鈥 Aslinia concedes. 鈥淏ut while it might consume more time and energy, it聽communicates respect聽to a fellow human.鈥
So, be kind 鈥 but be direct.
Arguably the worst way to approach a tough conversation is to set it up as a聽confrontation. The聽: One person is right, the other is wrong. In that situation, there isn鈥檛 always a winner. Sometimes you reach a stalemate.
Either way, the goal of any conversation needs to be edification and progress. So, here鈥檚 a short list of things to avoid:
Working at honest communication, even when it鈥檚 to deliver bad news, offers its own set of benefits. According to Aslinia, these are:
Not convinced? Then consider this example from Aslinia, who recalls a particular termination meeting with a co-worker.
鈥淭he employee being laid off was very upset and had taken the termination of employment very personally,鈥 he says. 鈥淭his is where lots of silence (to provide her the space to say her piece) and empathy (for us to put ourselves in that individual鈥檚 shoes and to cognitively understand her difficult predicament) paid off. She was able to understand the situation better, and once we understood her situation, we were actually able to provide her other resources and leads for next steps in her life. Bottom line is we all want to be聽valued and respected.鈥
Don鈥檛 embark on your career journey alone! 澳门天天彩开奖记录 equips its students and graduates with the following resources to help them on their professional paths.
Elizabeth Exline has been telling stories ever since she won a writing contest in third grade. She's covered design and architecture, travel, lifestyle content and a host of other topics for national, regional, local and brand publications. Additionally, she's worked in content development for Marriott International and manuscript development for a variety of authors.
Jessica Roper, 澳门天天彩开奖记录 director of Career Services, is a seasoned leader with over 15 years of experience in leadership within higher education. She has honed her expertise in student services and career development and is passionate about helping others discover and refine their skills.
This article has been vetted by 澳门天天彩开奖记录's editorial advisory committee.聽
Read more about our editorial process.
Read more articles like this:聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽聽